When God called me a month ago to leave school and everything behind to give my life to Him for two years of service, I was overwhelmed with fear. I was in Mass at my church and looked around at all the people I Love so dearly that had no idea what I heard the Lord just speak to me and it was completely terrifying.
My first thought was I can't do this, because I can't leave them. I can't leave my parish. I can't leave this church, this youth group, all these kids that I Love and have helped grow in their faith and they've helped with mine. not for two years. I can barely stand to be away from them for a day, let alone two years!
As you might have guessed, I am very close to my youth group and stayed close during this past year while I was away for college. Throughout this past year I came home from school any chance I could just to hang out with them or to participate in whatever we had going on that weekend. Usually wherever we go, whether it is a Steubenville Conference, a camp many hours away or especially retreats we have in our own town, we are always that obnoxious group... you know, the obnoxious church group that runs through the place loud and happy and just together. That's us. I Love it.
It's pretty much inevitable that we are this way. While whatever speaker is calling out the typical stereotype of the 'Conference Junkie" You know, the person who still has every retreat shirt, has attended every year possible and then continues to volunteer. At this point is when my group turns to look at me with loving eyes. especially my youth minister. but then we laugh because i look back at him and remind him that he was at the very first Steubenville Conference and has never missed a year, has been to every camp or retreat Catholic and Protestant when his musical talents are requested and 9 times out of 10 is friends with whoever is up there speaking.
So basically none of us stand a chance but to be those Jesus freaks. that obnoxious church group.
It always make climbing the mountain a little easier.
I am sure who ever is reading this has heard of the common example of the mountains and the valleys. Usually the mountain occurs because of the "retreat high" that we always long for. when our Love is greatest and our strive to serve the Lord is unstoppable.
but then comes the valley.
The valleys I went through this past year where the hardest I have had to face. When I was away from my comfort and supportive youth group. I of course went through trials and some really hard times in high school. There's honestly always something because I can admit, I am an extremely emotional person, but what I remember through all of that hurt is that I always had my church. There was always someone there pushing me up the mountain.
But all of that has prepared me so much in this decision to give my life to serve in missions.
It's such a blessing to have that.
I know I am not doing this alone, I have so many great people that I have already become great friends with that will be going through all of this with me, that will help me through the valleys while on mission.
It is just so hard to think of not only everything I will miss going through with them but also that they won't be with me to share in what I am going out to do. I wouldn't be at all surprised if wherever I end up, there's an extra suitcase or two under my name with a few stowaways.
I know though that the great thing about a community is that it is something that surrounds you, helps you grow, helps form you into the person you are. You know the phrase.. "It takes a whole village"
All of that is so that one day, when it is your time to leave, you take all of it with you wherever you go.
I lean not on my own understanding.
My life is in the hands of the maker of heaven.
I Give it all to you God,
Trusting that you'll make something beautiful out of me.
and I will climb this mountain
With my hands wide open
^^^Above are the lyrics to "Climb" by United Pursuit that is currently a favorite. The lyrics are very simple and the same message is continuously sung through out the song. I don't think it could be any more perfect for my decision with missions.
and even though I am so unbelievably terrified about leaving. I know that this is all just another valley and I will climb the mountain.
